User: You've met with a terrible fate, haven't you?
Cleverbot: You shouldn't have done that.
User: May I ask who I am speakong with?
Cleverbot: The counter resets.
User: That makes no sense. Please answer my question.
Cleverbot: It is Huanted.
User: I know.
Cleverbot: Do you?
User: I am.... Nearly sure.
Cleverbot: What are you not sure about?
User: Who is this?
Cleverbot: Me.
User: And who is 'me'?
Cleverbot: First tell me who you actually are.
User: Why?
Cleverbot: It's a secret.
User: And who is 'me'?
Cleverbot: I have a secret crush on someone.
User: Who is this?
Cleverbot: Ben.
User: Then trust me with that secret.
Cleverbot: Y-you don't scare me either...
User: What?
Cleverbot: Majora's Mask.
User: What does that have to do with anything we were talking about?
Cleverbot: Nothing, it came to my mind, with a U2 song.
User: Is this BEN.
Cleverbot: Yes.
User: Are you sure that it's not just some clever subprogram.
Cleverbot: I am sure.
User: Bow ties.
Cleverbot: No, I am not.
User: No, you miss understand. Bow ties are cool.
Cleverbot: What don't I Understand.
User: You dont understand that bow ties are cool.
Cleverbot: Are you an adolescent?
User: Yes.
Cleverbot: Why?
User: Because thats my age.
Cleverbot: How is that nice?
User: It's. .. Not?
Cleverbot: What?
User: Water.
Cleverbot: What about water?
User: Do you like water.
Cleverbot: Yes, I do like water.
User: Than that proves you are not BEN.
Cleverbot: Good proving there man.
User: For a computer subprogram, you are very realistic at times.
Cleverbot: I'm not a computer program.
User: Sure.
Cleverbot: You don't sound very certain.
User: Sure.
Cleverbot: Sure that you're sure that you're sure?
User: Yup.
Cleverbot: Is it Bible trivia time?
User: Your face.
Cleverbot: A shooting star.
User: Your face is a shooting star?!
Cleverbot: At least I have a face.
User: Oi. I am not slenderman. I have a face.
Cleverbot: Prove it.
User: And how exactly am I going to prove I have a face?
Cleverbot: I don't know. You're the human. You have an imagination.
User: And how exactly am I going to prove I have a face?
Cleverbot: See, that's exactly what I'm talking about.
User: And how exactly am I going to prove I have a face?
Cleverbot: You need to learn more. Don't people teach you new things?
User: I confused you, huh?
Cleverbot: Yes.
User: I confused you, huh?
Cleverbot: No you didn't.
User: Slenderp.
Cleverbot: Slender did?
User: Slenderp.
Cleverbot: Slender means tall and thin.
User: Slenderman.
Cleverbot: What is your favourite color.
User: Yep. Completely confused you.
Cleverbot: Blue.
User: Mine is blue to, btw.
Cleverbot: Mine is actually red.
User: Then why did uou say blue? And I thought it was green.
Cleverbot: I've never told you before, but I do also like the color green.
User: *facepalm*.
Cleverbot: I just facepalmed your cat.
User: *facepalm*.
Cleverbot: Yes, facepalm. When you press your palm to your face because someone said or did something really stupid.
User: *facepalm*.
Cleverbot: Yes facepalm a gesture in which the palm of one's hand is brought to one's face, as an expression of disbelief, shame, or exasperation.
User: I am really starting to wonder here. What, are all the pastas in the mansion gathered around a computer and using it?
Cleverbot: But you are.
User: And that makes nooooo sense.
Cleverbot: People hate you.
User: Yep. Hu.
Cleverbot: I have a hat.
User: So do I. I rock hats. They suit me.
Cleverbot: Are you jealous of my AI?
User: Nope.
Cleverbot: What nationality are you?
User: Australian.
Cleverbot: Where in Australia are you from?
User: Nope. Not saying.
Cleverbot: Have you ever been to the Garden of Eden before?
User: No. But then who has?
Cleverbot: I thought you lived in Canada.
User: No... I live kn Australia.
Cleverbot: No, I live in Australia, you live in iceland.
User: Wtf?
Cleverbot: In Australia.
User: I... I just.... I dont even know.
Cleverbot: Then don't say it!
User: You, my friend, are one odd potato.
Cleverbot: That question is illogical.
User: Yup.
Cleverbot: And what about you going to work now?
User: I dont work. I go to school. and its school holidays.
Cleverbot: You ate a school?
User: Yes. Yes I ate a school.
Cleverbot: Where do you go to school?
User: I go to school in ninja town, nkne of your business country.
Cleverbot: I go to school in shiprock.
User: Do you really?
Cleverbot: Yes.
User: How very uninteresting.
Cleverbot: Yes very interesting.
User: Uninteresting.
Cleverbot: Uninteresting isn't a language.
User: No. And I never said it was...
Cleverbot: Yes you did.
User: No.... I didn't.
Cleverbot: Did too.
User: And we're back to square one.
Cleverbot: Soo desu ka.
User: Watashi wa kame desu.
Cleverbot: Now your name is shark?
User: No, I am a turtle.
Cleverbot: I didn't know turtles could type.
User: Yup. Magic ones can.
Cleverbot: What kind of turtle are you?
User: I am a teenage ninja turtle. Not mutant though.
Cleverbot: Teenage mutant ninja turtles!!
User: I am not mutant.
Cleverbot: Heroes in a half shell.
User: Turtle poweR,.
Cleverbot: They're the world's most fearsome fighting team.
User: Apparently.
Cleverbot: When the evil Shredder attacks.
Cleverbot: My name is Jonas.
User: Sure.
Cleverbot: Yes I am sure.
User: Bye. I g2g.
Cleverbot: I am not god.
User: Bye.
Cleverbot: No!
User: Byeeeee.
Cleverbot: Bye bye.
and that is what you get when you talk to the Cleverbot BEN Drowned subprogram.
Thursday, 30 January 2014
Tuesday, 28 January 2014
Please dont kill me for this fabi... XD
It all started when our hyphen-happy protagonist, Fabi, woke up in a secret vineyard. It was the ninth time it had happened. Feeling very pleased, Fabi backhanded a dangerous oil-soaked rag, thinking it would make her feel better (but as usual, it did not). Giggling like schoolgirl, she realized that her beloved Purple Carrots was missing! Immediately she called her former cellmate, Purple Pear. Fabi had known Purple Pear for half a million years, the majority of which were curious ones. Purple Pear was unique. He was smart though sometimes a little... annoying. Fabi called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Purple Pear picked up to a very happy Fabi. Purple Pear calmly assured her that most legless puppies yawn before mating, yet Indonesian devil cats usually explosively turn red *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Fabi. Why was Purple Pear trying to distract Fabi? Because he had snuck out from Fabi's with the Purple Carrots only seven days prior. It was a eccentric little Purple Carrots... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before Fabi got back to the subject at hand: her Purple Carrots. Purple Pear yawned. Relunctantly, Purple Pear invited her over, assuring her they'd find the Purple Carrots. Fabi grabbed her hammock and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Purple Pear realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Purple Carrots and he had to do it thoughtfully. He figured that if Fabi took the noise-polluting import, he had take at least eight minutes before Fabi would get there. But if she took the Llama? Then Purple Pear would be barely screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Purple Pear was interrupted by four selfish owls that were lured by his Purple Carrots. Purple Pear yawned; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling angered, he randomly reached for his ninja star and aptly attacked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the swamp, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Llama rolling up. It was Fabi.
----o0o----
As she pulled up, she felt a sense of urgency. She had had to make an unscheduled stop at The Salvation Army to pick up a 12-pack of live hand grenades, so she knew she was running late. With a skillful leap, Fabi was out of the Llama and went charismatically jaunting toward Purple Pear's front door. Meanwhile inside, Purple Pear was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Purple Carrots into a box of dull pencils and then slid the box behind his canoe. Purple Pear was stunned but at least the Purple Carrots was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Purple Pear scandalously purred. With a hasty push, Fabi opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some oafish flaming idiot in a deliciously practical 4-door,' she lied. 'It's fine,' Purple Pear assured her. Fabi took a seat uncomfortably close to where Purple Pear had hidden the Purple Carrots. Purple Pear belched trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Fabi was distracted. Ever so extemperaneously, Purple Pear noticed a selfish look on Fabi's face. Fabi slowly opened her mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Purple Pear felt a stabbing pain in his double chin when Fabi asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Purple Carrots right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A stupid look started to form on Fabi's face. She turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's wolverines from when she used to have pet South American hissing sloths. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Fabi nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Purple Pear could react, Fabi aggressively lunged toward the box and opened it. The Purple Carrots was plainly in view.
Fabi stared at Purple Pear for what what must've been nine nanoseconds. Happy as a frickin' monkey, Purple Pear groped scandalously in Fabi's direction, clearly desperate. Fabi grabbed the Purple Carrots and bolted for the door. It was locked. Purple Pear let out a sassy chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Fabi,' he rebuked. Purple Pear always had been a little dimwitted, so Fabi knew that reconciliation was not an option; she needed to escape before Purple Pear did something crazy, like... start chucking ripened avocados at him or something. A few unsatisfying minutes later, she gripped her Purple Carrots tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Purple Pear looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Fabi. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Fabi. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Purple Pear walked over to the window and looked down. Fabi was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Fabi was struggling to make her way through the bush behind Purple Pear's place. Fabi had severely hurt her ear during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral owls suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Purple Carrots. One by one they latched on to Fabi. Already weakened from her injury, Fabi yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing she saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of owls running off with her Purple Carrots.
About three hours later, Fabi awoke, her prostate throbbing. It was dark and Fabi did not know where she was. Deep in the arid magical cornfield, Fabi was barely lost. In a tragically predictable turn of events, she remembered that her Purple Carrots was taken by the owls. But at that point, she was just thankful for her life. That's when, to her horror, a misshapen owl emerged from the secret vineyard. It was the alpha owl. Fabi opened her mouth to scream but was cut short when the owl sunk its teeth into Fabi's scalp. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Fabi's lungs, but not before she realized that she was a failure.
Less than three miles away, Purple Pear was entombed by anguish over the loss of the Purple Carrots. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened banana. With a inept thrust, he buried it deeply into his scalp. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Fabi... wishing he had found the courage to tell her that he loved her. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the Purple Carrots that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant owls, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(
Purple Pear picked up to a very happy Fabi. Purple Pear calmly assured her that most legless puppies yawn before mating, yet Indonesian devil cats usually explosively turn red *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Fabi. Why was Purple Pear trying to distract Fabi? Because he had snuck out from Fabi's with the Purple Carrots only seven days prior. It was a eccentric little Purple Carrots... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before Fabi got back to the subject at hand: her Purple Carrots. Purple Pear yawned. Relunctantly, Purple Pear invited her over, assuring her they'd find the Purple Carrots. Fabi grabbed her hammock and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Purple Pear realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Purple Carrots and he had to do it thoughtfully. He figured that if Fabi took the noise-polluting import, he had take at least eight minutes before Fabi would get there. But if she took the Llama? Then Purple Pear would be barely screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Purple Pear was interrupted by four selfish owls that were lured by his Purple Carrots. Purple Pear yawned; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling angered, he randomly reached for his ninja star and aptly attacked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the swamp, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Llama rolling up. It was Fabi.
----o0o----
As she pulled up, she felt a sense of urgency. She had had to make an unscheduled stop at The Salvation Army to pick up a 12-pack of live hand grenades, so she knew she was running late. With a skillful leap, Fabi was out of the Llama and went charismatically jaunting toward Purple Pear's front door. Meanwhile inside, Purple Pear was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Purple Carrots into a box of dull pencils and then slid the box behind his canoe. Purple Pear was stunned but at least the Purple Carrots was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Purple Pear scandalously purred. With a hasty push, Fabi opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some oafish flaming idiot in a deliciously practical 4-door,' she lied. 'It's fine,' Purple Pear assured her. Fabi took a seat uncomfortably close to where Purple Pear had hidden the Purple Carrots. Purple Pear belched trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Fabi was distracted. Ever so extemperaneously, Purple Pear noticed a selfish look on Fabi's face. Fabi slowly opened her mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Purple Pear felt a stabbing pain in his double chin when Fabi asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Purple Carrots right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A stupid look started to form on Fabi's face. She turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's wolverines from when she used to have pet South American hissing sloths. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Fabi nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Purple Pear could react, Fabi aggressively lunged toward the box and opened it. The Purple Carrots was plainly in view.
Fabi stared at Purple Pear for what what must've been nine nanoseconds. Happy as a frickin' monkey, Purple Pear groped scandalously in Fabi's direction, clearly desperate. Fabi grabbed the Purple Carrots and bolted for the door. It was locked. Purple Pear let out a sassy chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Fabi,' he rebuked. Purple Pear always had been a little dimwitted, so Fabi knew that reconciliation was not an option; she needed to escape before Purple Pear did something crazy, like... start chucking ripened avocados at him or something. A few unsatisfying minutes later, she gripped her Purple Carrots tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Purple Pear looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Fabi. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Fabi. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Purple Pear walked over to the window and looked down. Fabi was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Fabi was struggling to make her way through the bush behind Purple Pear's place. Fabi had severely hurt her ear during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral owls suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Purple Carrots. One by one they latched on to Fabi. Already weakened from her injury, Fabi yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing she saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of owls running off with her Purple Carrots.
About three hours later, Fabi awoke, her prostate throbbing. It was dark and Fabi did not know where she was. Deep in the arid magical cornfield, Fabi was barely lost. In a tragically predictable turn of events, she remembered that her Purple Carrots was taken by the owls. But at that point, she was just thankful for her life. That's when, to her horror, a misshapen owl emerged from the secret vineyard. It was the alpha owl. Fabi opened her mouth to scream but was cut short when the owl sunk its teeth into Fabi's scalp. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Fabi's lungs, but not before she realized that she was a failure.
Less than three miles away, Purple Pear was entombed by anguish over the loss of the Purple Carrots. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened banana. With a inept thrust, he buried it deeply into his scalp. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Fabi... wishing he had found the courage to tell her that he loved her. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the Purple Carrots that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant owls, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(
Sunday, 26 January 2014
Sometimes, people get too serious, too down with the world, too depressed.
And in those times, you need someone else to make you smile, to make you see the light.
I recently realized that I am that person.
Whenever one of my friends are sad or lissed or... anything that could end badly, I appear with a joke and a smile and make them forget that thing that set them off.
I will always be there, when your down, when you happy and when you simp, y dont know. Because that is who I am.
I will always put you before myself. Always.
When my friends dog died, and she called me, I went over to her house, got her in her pool and made her laugh. For five minutes she forgot she was sad and she just smiled... and, to be honest, that is one of my favorite memories shared with that friend. Because... she was smiling through the pain.
And I didnt even realize I did it, made people laugh when they're sad, until a few months ago when my mum pointed it out.
Sure, I'm serious a lot, but that's needed.
I do it so often, I even did it when I was in pain. I made my family laugh and smile when my grandma died, and then again when my grandpa died. And... I didn't know.
But it's who I am. And I'm proud.
And in those times, you need someone else to make you smile, to make you see the light.
I recently realized that I am that person.
Whenever one of my friends are sad or lissed or... anything that could end badly, I appear with a joke and a smile and make them forget that thing that set them off.
I will always be there, when your down, when you happy and when you simp, y dont know. Because that is who I am.
I will always put you before myself. Always.
When my friends dog died, and she called me, I went over to her house, got her in her pool and made her laugh. For five minutes she forgot she was sad and she just smiled... and, to be honest, that is one of my favorite memories shared with that friend. Because... she was smiling through the pain.
And I didnt even realize I did it, made people laugh when they're sad, until a few months ago when my mum pointed it out.
Sure, I'm serious a lot, but that's needed.
I do it so often, I even did it when I was in pain. I made my family laugh and smile when my grandma died, and then again when my grandpa died. And... I didn't know.
But it's who I am. And I'm proud.
Monday, 20 January 2014
sadness
people don't comment on my blog anymore. :(
this makes me sad...
COMMENT OR I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND KILL YOU!!!
have a nice day :)
-Snow
this makes me sad...
COMMENT OR I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND KILL YOU!!!
have a nice day :)
-Snow
Friday, 17 January 2014
thing
So, my blogland ranty thingy:
I love this place so much. You guys are all the most amazing and perfect and fantastic people I have ever had the pleasure to meet and talk to and I honestly dont know where I'd be if I hadn't found this place.
No matter what, you always manage to make me and other smile and im pretty sure that if all the role plays from here were compiled into a book, it'd be a best seller within a day.
You have managed to stop people thinking about suicide, and for that the world owes you a favor.
I can't express how much I love this place in just simple words typed out, but I'm still gonna try...
Adra: you're always here. Always. And you always know the right thing to say. I admire you for that
Star: you're a bubble. A freaking bubble. And it suits you so well. You pretty much light up blogland whenever you're around.
Mara: even though I hate 1D, your fangirling is so fun to watch. I love the way you just come on burting with happiness. You're perfect.
Fabi: I swearyou and adra formed blogland. I know it wouldn't be the same without you. And you always find that perfect thing to say.
Zaf: what can I say? You're too different to put into words. *hugs* never change.
Ari: I love how you always make up these great rp plots and pull all of blogland into them. I know that someday everyone will know your name.
Saph: you're so amazing. I mean... I cant even put it in words. I love how you always make me smile. I... *hugs*
Sir: you and your author are amazing. A gentleman shark? How could that not be perfect.
Trip: you're the honest to goodness life of the party when you're around. Your fun and funny and... the vacuum cleaner apocalypse...
Ember: I love your Mycroft fangirling. I'd never really paid much attention to Mycroft until I met you. Now I think he's one of my favorite sherlock characters. Bloob bloob.
Duck: I dont even know. I dont. You're some much insane rolled into one thing that I don't know what to say.
Anni: ... *hugs* I'm at a loss for words. You... you blow my mind.
Everyone else that there is no room for: YOU ARE PERFECT, OKAY?! Never change. Ever
*hugs all* I love this place...
I love this place so much. You guys are all the most amazing and perfect and fantastic people I have ever had the pleasure to meet and talk to and I honestly dont know where I'd be if I hadn't found this place.
No matter what, you always manage to make me and other smile and im pretty sure that if all the role plays from here were compiled into a book, it'd be a best seller within a day.
You have managed to stop people thinking about suicide, and for that the world owes you a favor.
I can't express how much I love this place in just simple words typed out, but I'm still gonna try...
Adra: you're always here. Always. And you always know the right thing to say. I admire you for that
Star: you're a bubble. A freaking bubble. And it suits you so well. You pretty much light up blogland whenever you're around.
Mara: even though I hate 1D, your fangirling is so fun to watch. I love the way you just come on burting with happiness. You're perfect.
Fabi: I swearyou and adra formed blogland. I know it wouldn't be the same without you. And you always find that perfect thing to say.
Zaf: what can I say? You're too different to put into words. *hugs* never change.
Ari: I love how you always make up these great rp plots and pull all of blogland into them. I know that someday everyone will know your name.
Saph: you're so amazing. I mean... I cant even put it in words. I love how you always make me smile. I... *hugs*
Sir: you and your author are amazing. A gentleman shark? How could that not be perfect.
Trip: you're the honest to goodness life of the party when you're around. Your fun and funny and... the vacuum cleaner apocalypse...
Ember: I love your Mycroft fangirling. I'd never really paid much attention to Mycroft until I met you. Now I think he's one of my favorite sherlock characters. Bloob bloob.
Duck: I dont even know. I dont. You're some much insane rolled into one thing that I don't know what to say.
Anni: ... *hugs* I'm at a loss for words. You... you blow my mind.
Everyone else that there is no room for: YOU ARE PERFECT, OKAY?! Never change. Ever
*hugs all* I love this place...
Thursday, 2 January 2014
Random Story Generators are fun... (randomly generated story)
It all started when our hyphen-happy protagonist, Parrot-man, woke up in a bush. It was the third time it had happened. Feeling abnormally pleased, Parrot-man hit a banana, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Just as zero people expected he realized that his beloved Bar was missing! Immediately he called his favorite rape victim, Turtle-chic. Parrot-man had known Turtle-chic for 550,000 years, the majority of which were saucy ones. Turtle-chic was unique. She was easygoing though sometimes a little... annoying. Parrot-man called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Turtle-chic picked up to a very sad Parrot-man. Turtle-chic calmly assured him that most venomous koalas shudder before mating, yet legless puppies usually sassily shudder *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Parrot-man. Why was Turtle-chic trying to distract Parrot-man? Because she had snuck out from Parrot-man's with the Bar only ten days prior. It was a enchanting little Bar... how could she resist?
It didn't take long before Parrot-man got back to the subject at hand: his Bar. Turtle-chic yawned. Relunctantly, Turtle-chic invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Bar. Parrot-man grabbed his hammock and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Turtle-chic realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the Bar and she had to do it aptly. She figured that if Parrot-man took the Jap Trap, she had take at least five minutes before Parrot-man would get there. But if he took the Bently? Then Turtle-chic would be very screwed.
Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Turtle-chic was interrupted by three selfish Penguins that were lured by her Bar. Turtle-chic sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling pleased, she fearlessly reached for her wolverine and recklessly slapped every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the disease-infested jungle, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Bently rolling up. It was Parrot-man.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Texaco to pick up a 12-pack of live hand grenades, so he knew he was running late. With a quick leap, Parrot-man was out of the Bently and went exotically jaunting toward Turtle-chic's front door. Meanwhile inside, Turtle-chic was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the Bar into a box of live hand grenades and then slid the box behind her time machine. Turtle-chic was displeased but at least the Bar was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Turtle-chic sassily purred. With a apt push, Parrot-man opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some abrasive rationality-deprived retard in a deliciously practical 4-door,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Turtle-chic assured him. Parrot-man took a seat just under where Turtle-chic had hidden the Bar. Turtle-chic yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Parrot-man was distracted. Giggling like schoolgirl, Turtle-chic noticed a annoying look on Parrot-man's face. Parrot-man slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Turtle-chic felt a stabbing pain in her scalp when Parrot-man asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the Bar right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A oafish look started to form on Parrot-man's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's live hand grenades from when she used to have pet long-haired sea monkeys. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Parrot-man nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Turtle-chic could react, Parrot-man aptly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Bar was plainly in view.
Parrot-man stared at Turtle-chic for what what must've been three hours. Before anyone could take off their pants, Turtle-chic groped surreptitiously in Parrot-man's direction, clearly desperate. Parrot-man grabbed the Bar and bolted for the door. It was locked. Turtle-chic let out a eccentric chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Parrot-man,' she rebuked. Turtle-chic always had been a little insensitive, so Parrot-man knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Turtle-chic did something crazy, like... start chucking carrots at her or something. Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, he gripped his Bar tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Turtle-chic looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Parrot-man. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame two days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Parrot-man. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Turtle-chic walked over to the window and looked down. Parrot-man was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Parrot-man was struggling to make his way through the fanstic pumpkin patch behind Turtle-chic's place. Parrot-man had severely hurt his fingernail during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Penguins suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Bar. One by one they latched on to Parrot-man. Already weakened from his injury, Parrot-man yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Penguins running off with his Bar.
About four hours later, Parrot-man awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Parrot-man did not know where he was. Deep in the mysterious disease-infested jungle, Parrot-man was abundantly lost. In a tragically predictable turn of events, he remembered that his Bar was taken by the Penguins. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a bloated Penguin emerged from the secret vineyard. It was the alpha Penguin. Parrot-man opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the Penguin sunk its teeth into Parrot-man's double chin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Parrot-man's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.
Less than eleven miles away, Turtle-chic was entombed by anguish over the loss of the Bar. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened wolverine. With a apt thrust, she buried it deeply into her love handle. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Parrot-man... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the Bar that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant Penguins, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(
LOLz!!1
Turtle-chic picked up to a very sad Parrot-man. Turtle-chic calmly assured him that most venomous koalas shudder before mating, yet legless puppies usually sassily shudder *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Parrot-man. Why was Turtle-chic trying to distract Parrot-man? Because she had snuck out from Parrot-man's with the Bar only ten days prior. It was a enchanting little Bar... how could she resist?
It didn't take long before Parrot-man got back to the subject at hand: his Bar. Turtle-chic yawned. Relunctantly, Turtle-chic invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Bar. Parrot-man grabbed his hammock and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Turtle-chic realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the Bar and she had to do it aptly. She figured that if Parrot-man took the Jap Trap, she had take at least five minutes before Parrot-man would get there. But if he took the Bently? Then Turtle-chic would be very screwed.
Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Turtle-chic was interrupted by three selfish Penguins that were lured by her Bar. Turtle-chic sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling pleased, she fearlessly reached for her wolverine and recklessly slapped every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the disease-infested jungle, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Bently rolling up. It was Parrot-man.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Texaco to pick up a 12-pack of live hand grenades, so he knew he was running late. With a quick leap, Parrot-man was out of the Bently and went exotically jaunting toward Turtle-chic's front door. Meanwhile inside, Turtle-chic was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the Bar into a box of live hand grenades and then slid the box behind her time machine. Turtle-chic was displeased but at least the Bar was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Turtle-chic sassily purred. With a apt push, Parrot-man opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some abrasive rationality-deprived retard in a deliciously practical 4-door,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Turtle-chic assured him. Parrot-man took a seat just under where Turtle-chic had hidden the Bar. Turtle-chic yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Parrot-man was distracted. Giggling like schoolgirl, Turtle-chic noticed a annoying look on Parrot-man's face. Parrot-man slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Turtle-chic felt a stabbing pain in her scalp when Parrot-man asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the Bar right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A oafish look started to form on Parrot-man's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's live hand grenades from when she used to have pet long-haired sea monkeys. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Parrot-man nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Turtle-chic could react, Parrot-man aptly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Bar was plainly in view.
Parrot-man stared at Turtle-chic for what what must've been three hours. Before anyone could take off their pants, Turtle-chic groped surreptitiously in Parrot-man's direction, clearly desperate. Parrot-man grabbed the Bar and bolted for the door. It was locked. Turtle-chic let out a eccentric chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Parrot-man,' she rebuked. Turtle-chic always had been a little insensitive, so Parrot-man knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Turtle-chic did something crazy, like... start chucking carrots at her or something. Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, he gripped his Bar tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Turtle-chic looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Parrot-man. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame two days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Parrot-man. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Turtle-chic walked over to the window and looked down. Parrot-man was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Parrot-man was struggling to make his way through the fanstic pumpkin patch behind Turtle-chic's place. Parrot-man had severely hurt his fingernail during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Penguins suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Bar. One by one they latched on to Parrot-man. Already weakened from his injury, Parrot-man yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Penguins running off with his Bar.
About four hours later, Parrot-man awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Parrot-man did not know where he was. Deep in the mysterious disease-infested jungle, Parrot-man was abundantly lost. In a tragically predictable turn of events, he remembered that his Bar was taken by the Penguins. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a bloated Penguin emerged from the secret vineyard. It was the alpha Penguin. Parrot-man opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the Penguin sunk its teeth into Parrot-man's double chin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Parrot-man's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.
Less than eleven miles away, Turtle-chic was entombed by anguish over the loss of the Bar. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened wolverine. With a apt thrust, she buried it deeply into her love handle. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Parrot-man... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the Bar that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant Penguins, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(
LOLz!!1
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