(please not i used a random story generator for this and i haven't even read it XD)
It all started when our antagonizing protagonist, Snow Stormberg, woke up in a lemur-infested moor. It was the tenth time it had happened. Feeling abundantly worried, Snow Stormberg punched a dull pencil, thinking it would make her feel better (but as usual, it did not). In a blinding moment of misguided bravado, she realized that her beloved cactus was missing! Immediately she called her enemy in training, Skelek Tinsam. Snow Stormberg had known Skelek Tinsam for (plus or minus) 550,000 years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Skelek Tinsam was unique. He was plucky though sometimes a little... selfish. Snow Stormberg called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Skelek Tinsam picked up to a very glad Snow Stormberg. Skelek Tinsam calmly assured her that most 3-legged wallabies shudder before mating, yet legless puppies usually surreptitiously panic *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Snow Stormberg. Why was Skelek Tinsam trying to distract Snow Stormberg? Because he had snuck out from Snow Stormberg's with the cactus only ten days prior. It was a sassy little cactus... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before Snow Stormberg got back to the subject at hand: her cactus. Skelek Tinsam yawned. Relunctantly, Skelek Tinsam invited her over, assuring her they'd find the cactus. Snow Stormberg grabbed her canoe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Skelek Tinsam realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the cactus and he had to do it recklessly. He figured that if Snow Stormberg took the magic flying carpet, he had take at least eleven minutes before Snow Stormberg would get there. But if she took the Segway? Then Skelek Tinsam would be alarmingly screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Skelek Tinsam was interrupted by eight dimwitted penguins that were lured by his cactus. Skelek Tinsam cringed; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling relieved, he carefully reached for his dangerous oil-soaked rag and aggressively punched every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the magical cornfield, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Segway rolling up. It was Snow Stormberg.
----o0o----
As she pulled up, she felt a sense of urgency. She had had to make an unscheduled stop at Texaco to pick up a 12-pack of gerbils, so she knew she was running late. With a inept leap, Snow Stormberg was out of the Segway and went earnestly jaunting toward Skelek Tinsam's front door. Meanwhile inside, Skelek Tinsam was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the cactus into a box of dull pencils and then slid the box behind his refrigerator. Skelek Tinsam was stunned but at least the cactus was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Skelek Tinsam scandalously purred. With a quick push, Snow Stormberg opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling coke fiend in a tricked out go kart,' she lied. 'It's fine,' Skelek Tinsam assured her. Snow Stormberg took a seat mysteriously distant from where Skelek Tinsam had hidden the cactus. Skelek Tinsam sighed trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Snow Stormberg was distracted. In a blinding moment of misguided bravado, Skelek Tinsam noticed a insensitive look on Snow Stormberg's face. Snow Stormberg slowly opened her mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Skelek Tinsam felt a stabbing pain in his double chin when Snow Stormberg asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the cactus right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A dimwitted look started to form on Snow Stormberg's face. She turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet South American hissing sloths. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Snow Stormberg nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Skelek Tinsam could react, Snow Stormberg fearlessly lunged toward the box and opened it. The cactus was plainly in view.
Snow Stormberg stared at Skelek Tinsam for what what must've been four days. Heart filled with earnest fortitude, Skelek Tinsam groped indiscriminately in Snow Stormberg's direction, clearly desperate. Snow Stormberg grabbed the cactus and bolted for the door. It was locked. Skelek Tinsam let out a curious chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Snow Stormberg,' he rebuked. Skelek Tinsam always had been a little funny-smelling, so Snow Stormberg knew that reconciliation was not an option; she needed to escape before Skelek Tinsam did something crazy, like... start chucking gerbils at him or something. Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, she gripped her cactus tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Skelek Tinsam looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Snow Stormberg. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame seven days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Snow Stormberg. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Skelek Tinsam walked over to the window and looked down. Snow Stormberg was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Snow Stormberg was struggling to make her way through the secret vineyard behind Skelek Tinsam's place. Snow Stormberg had severely hurt her armpit during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral penguins suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the cactus. One by one they latched on to Snow Stormberg. Already weakened from her injury, Snow Stormberg yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing she saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of penguins running off with her cactus.
But then God came down with His clever smile and restored Snow Stormberg's cactus. Feeling displeased, God smote the penguins for their injustice. Then He got in His amphibious vehicle and darted away with the fortitude of one million albino cats running from a misshapen pack of long-haired sea monkeys. Snow Stormberg fell with joy when she saw this. Her cactus was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in three minutes her favorite TV show, Elmo, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When 3-legged wallabies meet bloody glove'). Snow Stormberg was jubilant. And so, everyone except Skelek Tinsam and a few rusty razor blade-toting man-eating capybaras lived blissfully happy, forever after.
*cracks up laughing* OMG THAT WAS AMAZING!!!
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