I feel like giving some backstory on the Girl That Made Me Realize My Sexuality. As you will likely see, fate gave me many opportunities to meet her.
When I first met the girl I am hopelessly and stupidly crushing on, I was 8. We both were. My brother and I (by prompting of oir mother) had just signed up for a karate group that, coincidentally, met at our school at like 6 on Monday nights (I think kt was Monday.... UNIMPORTANT FACT). Anyway, we join this karate group to learn how to Kick Butt ™ and I am terrified bc I don't know anyone there.
From what I remember, one of the Black Belt teacher dudes gave us a quick "this is everyone's names remember them bc I'm not gonna repeat em" type thing before starting, trying to go easy for us pathetic beginners.
We had 2 instructors. One was very old, but his son was the highest belted student (and also hella cute), plus he was a rad ninja dude so we all respected him. The other instructor was in his... probably late 30's and had 3 kids, 2 of which were also in the group. Throw in my brother and I, and that was the whole group. Wooo. 5 people. (I feel like mentioning that the younger instructor was also a popular radio host at the time. Holds no relevance but still).
So yeah, we join this karate group and we learn karate. At some point, one of my BFF's joins via bribing from me and some lther randoms join. Point is, this girl is one of the Original Five. She was the only other girl, so of course I try to talk to her. Try. And fail. Because she is rad (at least in my eyes). From what I can tell, she is roughly the same age as me, but she is SUPER ADVANCED (she's like an orange belt or something) and oh my god she's way too cool for me. So I just admire from afar.
Little did younger me realize this was my first Female Crush *miscellaneous gasps*. (at this age I really didn't realize that bisexuality was a thing, I thought you were either straight or gay. One or the other, that made sense, yeah?? oh poor, nieve younger me....)
Now we fast forward a couple of years. I've stopped karate ages ago (like, a year after I started probably??). We are now in grade 6 (12 years old). My old school has amalgamated with a few others to form a New School, and I had joined the band program the year before. During this year, I'd caught glimpses of Karate Girl, without realizing it, during the Combined Primary School Bands Program. (we even literally walked into each other a few times lmao)
We are near the end of the year and the Combined Concert is coming up, so we are doing our mini tour thing to different schools that makes us feel like pop stars or some shit. So here we are, a group of 50 or so kids from different schools, all trying to avoid making eye contact with people we dont know, when my friend walks up, grabs my arm and another friends arm, and drags us over to a group of 3 or 4 girls from another school.
We all stand there awkwardly for a minute, wondering what the hell this other friend is doing, when she suddenly introduces us all. She somehow knew them, god knows how. But as she says their names, one suddenly sounds really familiar and I glance up and grin bc OH MY GOD KARATE GIRL IS THERE (ffs me how did you not see this crush). So we smile at each other as we both recognize the other and share and akward head nod before going our separate ways (AGAIN).
Now we get to grade 7. Karate Girl (who I really need another name for.... David) and I end up going to the same school. We see each other quite often, especially since we both join the band there, but we never get much further than an awkward smile of recognition. (it's at this time that I realize she is the same grade as me).
As we get to the end of the year, band tour rolls around and we head up north to play concerts for random crowds. As we arrive at the campsite for the week, I have a mild freak out bc WHO THE FUCK AM I ROOMKNG WITH before David's ffiends awkwardly come over and just... "hey your the same grade as us, yeah? we need four for a room and there's only three of us wanna join????". So I end up rooming with basic strangers and David.
Once again, fate has mushed us together. But we still ignore The Call.
The next year. Grade 8. David and I still dont really talk, but I'm close frineds with one of her friends. So, after fate realizing we really are not getting the hint, we end spending virtually every break together. We actually start to talk.
But we are not yet friends.
another band tour awkward-room share later and fate realizes we are the thickest people ever. Grade 9 rolls around and we have almost every class together. We end up spending most of our school time together. We finally, finally become frineds. Fate cheers.
and then... I realize.
it's a Friday night. I'm staring at my roof. The thought enters my head.
gee David is cute.
I can't u think it.
I.... have a crush.
it starts off small, because we're still friends, and I really dont want to lose that. I try not to think about it too much, and I dont talk about it much either. That just seems to make it worse.
So I tell one of my friends and she basically squeals because she thinks it's so cute. I am not quite so thrilled.
The crush comes in waves, sometimes painfully strong, sometimes barely there, and as the end of another year comes around, I realize something.
I've liked David a lot longer than I originally realized.
I'd liked her from the first moment we met.
Shit.
And, now we get to wear we are now. Grade 10, first day. And she rocks up at school in a dress (sje hasn't done that before) and I nearly faint because good GOD she is stunning.
it takes everything I have not to drool at her feet.
We are friends. No one knows I like her (the friend I told promptly forgot). I cannot deal with this.
Help me.
(sorry for any mistakes or errors, I can't be bother re-reading that painful mess of emotion)
